Andy Plays Games presents... Ten Videogames From 2013 Listed In Order Of Subjective Goodness

It's time for Game of the Year! There are games I played this year! I quite liked them! I liked them so much I arranged them in a kind of list, and wrote a paragraph about why I liked them so much! But first things first! I need to qualify some stuff! Okay, so, this is only best of list of the games I actually played. I don't own any of them fancy PlayStation consoles, so none of them are on the list. There's a Wii U in my house, but it ain't mine - Super Mario 3D World would probably have made this list otherwise! I also only list games I've played substantially. I was going to put Risk of Rain on this list because it's fantastic and the soundtrack is phenomenal, but I've barely unlocked two classes and longevity is important when evaluating Roguelikes. I love the cut of Saints Row IV's gib, but I've not played much more than a few tutorials. I also don't have a next-gen system, but I'll be honest, none of their games are any good eh? Eh? New consoles, amirite? Crap games, eh? Haha, what fresh material. Okay then, onto the list!

Review: "Super Puzzle Platformer Deluxe"

It’s only recently that I’ve been able to confidently say that Adult Swim’s logo is an assurance of quality when it comes to games. I still haven’t gotten over how weird that is, either. “Adult Swim makes good games.” Dear lord, I remember the days of Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s PlayStation 2 game – Zombie Ninja Pro-Am! A kart racing, fighting, and golf game hybrid. And about 100% less fun than that sounds, let me assure you. …hold on.

Déjà vu? Déjà vu. Why, I was doing this song and dance not long ago with Super House of Dead Ninjas. I was genuinely surprised by Super House of Dead Ninjas – having written off Adult Swim as capable of nothing but producing mildly funny animated shows for very very drunk people, picking up a for-money game from them seemed like it could go either way. But it went the best way. The good way! Super House of Dead Ninjas was, despite its wacky, hilarious name, a more or less perfect little on-the-cheap faux-arcade game. It was genuinely, properly, and impressively entertaining – and I wasn’t even drunk.

Review: "Afterfall Insanity - Dirty Arena Edition"

The practice of cutting off a section of a game and selling it wholesale has become surprisingly common in recent years. While in some situations it results in an egregious ”paid demo” sort of deal, other times it can be rather delightful. At a discounted price, you can buy a smaller, shorter version of a title. For people gaming on a budget, this can be an extremely useful way to explore an unfamiliar game without investing too much money – or time.

Such is the case with Afterfall Insanity – Dirty Arena Edition. The “Dirty Arena” is the survival mode from the full game, Afterfall Insanity, a horror-action game landed on Steam in the first Greenlight wave. Dirty Arena Edition has two very purpose, express goals: provide a compelling, short-hand Afterfall Insanity experience, and in doing so, sell budget gamers on the full title. A bit of pressure then rides on this edition – much like a demo, if it fails to sell me on the full game, it has failed.

With that established, Afterfall Insanity – Dirty Arena Edition has failed.

Review: "Injustice: Gods Among Us"

Since the beginning of time itself, since the first words of recorded history; since man first stepped, blinking, naked, and scared from the darkness of nonexistence, and a bunch of grubby-fingered children clamoured around a magazine parlour reading comic books, realizing that different superheroes existed in similar continuities, a singular question has prevailed – a question consistently on every living being’s breath, continuing to drive scholars and plebeians alike to the edge of madness and beyond: “COULD BATMAN BEAT SUPERMAN??”

Yes, there’s something so very appealing about comic book heroes fighting each other. Notjust fighting – no, they do plenty of fighting - but fighting each other. It’s the kind of thinking that leads to a buzz of excitement when in, say, Joss Whedon’s The Avengers, Iron Man squares off against Thor. But they’re both Avengers, right? They’re not supposed to be fighting. It is, for all intents and purposes, a “what if” scenario – and yet, it’s the kind of scenario which has prevailed and stuck with popular culture and its audience for generations. More than heroes fighting villains, we clamour at the chance to see heroes fighting other heroes. So, here’s Injustice: Gods Among Us – an entire game dedicated to the notion of heroes fighting other heroes.

Why Online DRM Is Bad, And Should Feel Bad

I don’t want to talk about games right now. I’m too annoyed, and perturbed, to talk about games. Because, all said and done, the subject I’m talking about is something that should be detached from games, and so I feel it deserves to be talked about as a separate entity. I’m not going to talk about it as it effects particular titles; I believe it is a practice which is as disgusting and fraudulent, whether a game works around it or not. So, now that that’s out of the way.

Let’s talk about always-online DRM. 

Review: "Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed"

If you had told me last year that one of my favourite games would be a Sonic game, I’d laugh. If you’d told me one of my favourite games would be a Sonic racing game, I’d laugh while dismissing every opinion you’d ever had as the ravings of an outright lunatic. And if you’d told me one of my favourite games would be a Sonic racing game on the PC, I’d stop laughing, slap you across the face and tell you to get the hell out of my house.

Oh, how time makes fools of us all.

Why You're All Fucking Wrong About The New Devil May Cry Game

Let me open by laying down what is pretty much an undeniable disclaimer about this whole argument - not liking the protagonist that you spend an entire game with is entirely a valid reason to not play a game. It might not make the game good or bad, depending on the genre, but if you find the character you play as an obnoxious, or irritating, or annoying person, then no-one should expect you to sit there and like it. When playing Sonic Generations, all I could think about was how much I hate Sonic as a character, for... a lot of it. Now, I forgave the bastard because I liked playing the game, but he was treading a thin line and... y'know, if someone was less able to overlook how much of a douchebag Sonic is, I'd be completely content in letting that be their reason not to play Sonic Generations. I'd be a little disappointed, cos it's a damn fine platformer, but come on. It's like forcing yourself to watch the Star Wars prequels for the action scenes alone. Kinda justified in not watching it cos the characters suck arse, eh?

With that out of the way, I can move on to business of the day. 

YOU'RE ALL FUCKING WRONG ABOUT THE NEW DEVIL MAY CRY GAME

Bad Game Night: "Judge Dredd: Dredd vs Death"

Why aren't garbage games regarded as highly as garbage movies? People gather around their televisions to partake in Troll 2 and The Room, not just because they're ironic hipsters, but because, despite their glaring faults - or because of their glaring faults - the films are wholly entertaining. Surely this is also the case with games? Andy intends to find out. This is a Bad Game Night!

I dare you to watch the video above - a fan-cut video showcasing Judge Dredd: Dredd vs Death - and not think that it could possibly the greatest videogame ever made. Go ahead, watch it. Go on. ...seriously, mate, the rest of this article won't make any sense without that video for context. So go on. I'll literally have gone nowhere by the time you get back. I am static text on a website. I can do nothing but wait for you. Y'done? Good.

Now, I'm going to level with you, because after watching that you're likely frothing at the mouth and trying to find a copy of the game. You've probably thoughts running through your head for what the game is: Dredd Nukem! And... okay, look, this game ain't that bad, but re-adjust your expectations. The game is not as good as that trailer makes it look. Not by a long shot. And I need to tell you that because, for all of Dredd vs Death's major shortcomings... I think the game is better than that trailer makes it look. B-b-b-... AWAAAAH?

Operation Nostalgiaway: "Super Mario 64"

For years, Andy's Nintendo 64 - the first console he had ever owned - had been kept down at his family's old beach shack, so everyone down there could have a fun rainy day TV fun machine. But then the Wii came along, and no-one wanted to deal with cartridges and wires and blowing the dust off of things! So now Andy has his N64 and all its games back in his house, and we can commence the replaying of all his childhood favourites with the critical, cynical eye on adulthood can bring with... 

Operation Nostalgiaway!

So. I'm an adult now - legally, anyway - and I have quite fond memories of my childhood. I really do! And, well, most of my childhood involved playing videogames. The first console I ever owned was a Nintendo 64, which I shared with my brother, and I played all the classics. Like 1080° Snowbaording. And Cruis'n USA. And the A Bug's Life videogame. Also, though, not hilarious titles, like Super Mario 64, Banjo-Kazooie, and Super Smash Bros. ...oh, fine, one more hilarious one. Mission: Impossible. That one is utter garbage, eh.

If you don't know what "nostalgia" is, then for god's sake, pick up a dictionary and learn some English words you dirty foreigner! ...ahem. Anyway, it's rather obvious that all my bright memories of 007: The World is Not Enough and Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire is blinded by nostalgia for the days when I wasn't a pube-bearded, glasses-wearing, socially-maligned and vulgar-mouthed asshole. Which is why, I think, it would make a very interesting experiment indeed to play through the games I have really fond memories of because I was a cute little kid and not a cynical, detail-obsessed, grumpy old goof. The experiment commences now. This is Operation Nostalgiaway; enjoy it, folks! Cos I may just be ruining my entire childhood in the process...

The first game I'm going to posthumously revisit is Super Mario 64, the dodgy tree sprite-riddled 3D debut in the Super Mario franchise, and featuring the first polygonal moustache that didn't have spaghetti spilled on it. Mama-mia!

Review: "Thomas Was Alone"

Cubist Colony

Review for Thomas Was Alone (PC)

1-player puzzle/platformer, Developed by Mike Bithell

When a game called Thomas Was Alone opens its blurb with "and then he wasn't," you know you're in for a treat. Before you're even playing it, Thomas Was Alone provides both a dry wit and a tongue-in-cheek, self-aware charm. What it doesn't hint at, however, is that there's a deep, emotional core buried in Thomas Was Alone. I think.

Y'see, Thomas Was Alone is one of those minimalist platformers that has you (well, me, at any rate) digging for a deeper meaning. Digging for something that you're convinced the game provides. So minimalist and open to interpretation is Thomas Was Alone, that it definitely convinces me there is, at least, something to interpret. It's one of those art games - and it is an art game, make no mistake - that provides hints at meaning without being overtly pretentious in presenting it to you. So, fair warning - Thomas Was Alone, for how delightfully presented it is, may actually not be as deep as I think it is. That's exactly what I like about art, though - not everyone sees the same thing in any particular work. With that in mind - let's see what Thomas Was Alone provides for those who will only look for what's there, and then maybe later I'll get into why I love it so much, not just as a videogame, but as art.

...won't that be thrilling, boys 'n girls?

Review: "Hotline Miami"

Welcome to Another Vice City

Review for Hotline Miami (PC)

1-player action/puzzle, Developed by Dennaton Games

There's something to be said for the kind of game that can truly get its hooks into you. From the very title screen of Hotline Miami, its rubbing your skin preparing to pierce - the psychedelic colours, the dreamy soundscape, the utterly captivating bobbing Russian title text, and the bizarre 16-bit-esque pixel aesthetic. Less than ten seconds in, you hit "start game," and Hotline Miami has its rusty, bloody hooks in your arms. All it has to do now is to pull firmly and gently. You now belong to the Hotline Miami.

The tutorial is adequate as a way of teaching you the basic controls, but what it does better is to establish the tone of this dark, unbelievably violent videogame. An unseen man barks instructions at you as you smash men's skulls in with a baseball bat, the surroundings - a dimly lit, murky basement - concealed of their true terror though the captivating, and often times trippy, faux-16-bit art style. The background flashes slowly through several gradients of gaudy colours, the screen wobbles back and forth like you're drunk (or high), and there's a very subtle film-grain effect that creates the illusion that you're viewing the whole thing through a busted VHS player. In other words - its the 80s, baby, viewed through the murky rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia, but recreated from memory, resulting in a setting that is both wholly authentic and unsettlingly off.

Review: "Borderlands 2"

A Review for Borderlands 2

Review for Borderlands 2 (PC)

PC, Xbox 360, PS3 - 1 - 4 player videogame, Out now maybe or not I dunno

Uhh.... um... hmmm...

Yeah, it's pretty good.

★★★★☆ 

Recommendation: Yeah buy it I s'pose if you want

Andy's Top Three Videogame Soundtracks EVARz!!!!!1!

Oh! Hello, internet reader! I see you here are reading these words, with your eyes. That's neat, eh? That's a neat little trick, I suppose. Words I type, people read across the other side of the world. That is very fun. And makes for a good time with us two, eh, internet reader? We have a connection now! For the few minutes you spend reading these words, we two are truly peas in a pod! Isn't that something else, eh?

But oh! Oh, internet reader. I am disheartened! Because I'm what we in "the industry" call a... "musician". And while writing out stuff is pretty fun... pretty cool, eh? Eh? It's pretty enjoyable. My real insight comes not from words about videogames, but in music. Music! That stuff that you ingest, not with your eyes - no, no, no, no dear reader, not with your eyes, like a common doodle - but with your ears! Those flappy, invariably erogenous flaps of flesh that funnel in sound stimuli and let you listen to things. Things, for example, like music! And thu-

...point is, here's my Top 3 Videogame Soundtracks of all the times.

Andy Plays Games Episode 1: "You Are Bacon"

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Review: "Thirty Flights of Loving"

Fifteen Minutes of Fame

Review for Thirty Flights of Loving (PC)

PC - 1 player linear storytelling art cube thing, Out Now

I just finished Gravity Bone and Thirty Flights of Loving. They last roughly fifteen minutes each, and they're little vignettes out of some people's lives. Whether they be interactive storytelling, miniature adventure games, or just a whole bunch of cubist nonsense, I can wholeheartedly recommend you play at least the free Gravity Bone immediately. Like, right now. Go. Now. Download it and play it, and come back when you're done.

Okay, are you done? Good. We can move on.

Review: "Transformers: War for Cybertron"

Thank Primus You're Here!

Review for Transformers: War for Cybertron (PC)

Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, PC - 1 to 3 player third-person shooter, Out Now

Transformers joins Sonic the Hedgehog as part of the super-star tag-team of entertainment properties everybody is really nostalgic about and fond of that I totally missed the boat for. With Transformers I have an excuse - I was a generation too late, being born in 1992 (thus landing me in the cusp of Generation Y). But that's not a great excuse. I had internet access by the time I was ten years old, and YouTube was a thing by the time I was twelve years old. I could have been "into" Transformers before now if I wanted to.

What's baffling is I can't fathom why I wouldn't want to. As a kid, I was massively into Hot Wheels, Thunderbirds, jets, spaceships, boats, trains... and Transformers is basically that, but the vehicles turn into and are giant robots. Giant goddamn robots! Y'know how a lot of people criticize Transformers as an entertainment property because it was designed to sell toys to kids? Well if I hadn't missed the boat on Transformers, it would have worked on ten-year-old me. There is nothing about "giant robots that can turn into cars and planes" that does not appeal to me. Yet somehow I missed it. It's peculiar.

At any rate, it doesn't really matter, because, little known fact: I never actually grew up in my head, so I have the mental age of a ten year-old. So since I'm acquainting myself with the nostalgic remnants of other people's much more interesting childhoods - from Ghostbusters to Sonic - it might as well be Transformers' turn, starting with the well-received prequel-videogame War for Cybertron. How do I find it? As a non-Transformers fan, will it sell me on the property? Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. ...okay, spoiler alert, it totally does.

Why the Future of Gaming Scares Me

So. Getting pegged with a brick to the face probably hurts a lot. I mean like, a lot. And watching somebody get a brick thrown at their face would probably make me cringe. And getting a shotgun to the face, I would probably beg for mercy. And if I was confronted with the man who was just trying somewhat successfully to murder me, begging for mercy under the barrel of my shotgun, I would probably pull the trigger. But it wouldn't be much fun. And that's why I question what The Last of Us is trying to achieve.

Not that every single game has to be "fun" in a traditional sense. Amnesia: The Dark Descent wasn't "fun," but it was still a good game. Horror games have gotten away with being painful and uncomfortable for a long, long time. ...but those are horror games. They're supposed to be cringe-worthy and hard to watch. They're supposed to be unnerving and squeamish. But The Last of Us isn't a "horror" game. It's being bought to us by the folks who made Uncharted, so presumably it's aiming to be a "blockbuster" game. A mainstream, popcorn-action sort of game; like Uncharted, like Halo, like Call of Duty. And when those mainstream appeal titles have reached the point where they are making me wince...

Devil Maybe Cry

A heated argument recently arose between me and a friend about whether or not the upcoming DmC: Devil May Cry was, in fact, a worthy bearer of the Devil May Cry name. Now I fucking love Devil May Cry 3. I love it so much when I traded in my PlayStation 2 at the peak of its usefulness, its the only game I bothered to keep just by virtue of I had to own it. I think it's beautiful and entertaining and utterly dementedly thrilling in as much as a way that people who aren't, say, Suda 51 can provide. I especially loved the electric guitar weapon that was completely useless, but I used it anyway cos of how utterly fun it was. That wraps up DMC3: fun. And overtly difficult. But mostly... well mostly overtly difficult, but quite fun as well.

Now most of what made Devil May Cry 3 as fun as it was, was protagonist Dante. He was basically an utter asshole, and the game knew it. He thought he was cool, and that made him cool. He had ridiculously unfunny one-liners that made light of other character's seriousness, he did unpractical flips 'n shit to do simple tasks like putting on a jumper, and he was basically a spastic and hyperactive energizer bunny providing a stark contrast to his stoic, very serious brother Virgil, and the depressed and insane sidekick-come-rival Lady. Sure, Dante had brief respites from his utter cartoonish insanity - whenever he clashed swords with Virgil, for example - but he basically swaggered around his own game pissing everybody off as the grown-up plot went on over in another room, far away from his partygoing attitude and "hilarious" quips.