Review: "Halo: Reach"

Reach for the Stars

review for Halo: Reach, 1-16 player sci-fi first-person shooter, available now

Contrary to what I may have said in the past, I don't "hate" Halo. I hate that it's a cog in the Microsoft money-making, customer-screwing, Xbox World Domination machine; I think its popularity to quality ratio is unfortunately high, considering what little it brings to the table with each installment. But, regardless of its rather crippling issues of repetitiveness and lacklustre storytelling, the Halo franchise is, at best, actually pretty damn good.

It isn't fantastic by any stretch of the word, but it is, especially with friends, fun. Halo, as a social multiplayer experience, is as fun as it was when Halo 2 came out, and Reach raises the benchmark higher with a staggering array of multiplayer, co-op and Forge modes available. The multiplayer is, however, as unbalanced as it has always been, usually devolving to "whoever has the biggest gun or vehicle, wins". Which is, to be honest... sort of refreshing, in a Quake Arena sort of way. Co-op, however, takes a bit of a hit narratively. The whole game is actually pretty retarded in that department, but doubly so on co-op - unlike in Halo 3, where Player 2 was thrust into the role of The Arbiter, in Reach your partner plays as an unexplained replica of your character, Noble 6. Is this second Noble 6 a clone? Brother? Pretender to the throne? Whatever it is, it really doesn't help the immersion any. ...and that's the good stuff out of the way.

Review: "VVVVVV"

VVVVVV for Vendetta

review for VVVVVV, 1 player puzzle/platformer, available now

This year in gaming has been a perplexing one. While last year big-name developers were firing out hits like Batman: Arkham Asylum, Modern Warfare 2, and Plants vs Zombies this year pretty much every mainstream title has been a load of crap. In particular, this year's two biggest Christmas-time sellers, Call of Duty: Black Ops and Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, have come off as shovelware. It's almost paradoxical that this year's big-name titles like Red Dead Redemption and Halo: Reach can't compete with the likes of LIMBO or Super Meat Boy - for one of the first times, the independent scene is making better games than the mainstream crowd; in previous years, the playing field was laughably even.

One of the first of this year's indie games (and possibly the first sign that the indies were going to whip the mainstream like their little bitches) is VVVVVV, by Terry Cavanagh. I think I can safely compare it to Portal, as in, it's a puzzle/platformer with one, simple mechanic, that is used to brain-melting effect with the devious and minimalistic level design. You play as Captain Viridian, a brave starship captain, and your ship and its crew are sucked into a strange alternate dimension. All the crew go missing, and it is your job to rescue them. Easy. Well, not so easy. While design-wise its closest contemporary is Braid, difficulty-wise I can all but compare it to Super Meat Boy - über-challenging, pure difficulty, with a perfect curve that never gets frustrating. It's no-BS gaming fare. It removes all and any obstacles that might make the game difficult beyond the difficulty itself. It's a very clean, pure design principle, and it helps launch VVVVVV into the realm of "genius," alongside the aforementioned Braid.

The Monthly Retard Jamboree! #02

Imagine this. You're treading water in a massive sewage tank. There are a million other people, all doing the same, in an infinite space every direction around you. It smells like sheep manure and feels like watered-down cooking grease. It's in your hair and face and eyes. Then, from out of no-where, an opinion! A devastating opinion knocks you back. Except this opinion is different. It's not got any thought process behind it. It isn't well-conceived or opinion-based. It's just retarded spewing. Mouth words out. The man who issued forth the opinion is all up in your face. He won't shut up! ...don't worry though. Andy comes to the rescue, hitting the opinionee in the back of the head with a shovel. He's here to save you from the verbal diorhea. You are saved.

Unless, of course, you are the victim in our second installment of the...

RETARD JAMBOREE!

Okay, so a few dumb things this month. Not as many as last month I've seen, but regardless, some insanely weird things that don't carry as much weight as you'd hope. Let's begin.

"Kinect is the best thing of 2010"

-Captain Spazz

Hope

Okay, so before I post the scum and hatred that is Monthly Retard Jamboree, and a supremely negative review of Halo Reach (yes, I played it... so now my opinion has that little bit more weight), I decided I should share with you guys, in case you haven't already found out, some of the more heartwarming sides of today's gaming culture.

Desert Bus for Hope is a live fundraising event for the ever-awesome Child's Play charity. The poor men and women involved are tasked with playing the most boring game ever made, Desert Bus, non-stop for as many hours as possible. The more money is donated, the longer they have to play. And, as their own trailer puts it, "the sadder they will become." Oh those poor, thoughtful souls.

Review: "Poker Night at the Inventory"

Calling Telltale's Bluff

review for Poker Night at the Inventory, 1 player poker simulation, available now

You have to give Telltale props for their marketing. Poker Night at the Inventory was originally marketed as "nerdy wet dream" sort of stuff, a crossover event that encompassed every facet of gaming culture, from the online shooters to the webcomics that mock them. It was only a few months ago that their direction changed and they started advertising Poker Night for its "unlockable items" for use in Team Fortress 2. Now don't get me wrong, that's all well and good - but frankly, I saw this as some sort of last-ditch dive to make the game remotely sellable. As if, they realised Poker Night was barely a game at all, and they had to rush to come up with a new hook.

Well, those crafty bastards refused to tell us that these Team Fortress 2 unlocks were, in fact, but sprinkling on the delicious cake. The cynical side of me forgot to notice that it doesn't matter how many TF2 items you promise, no matter how much fan service you cram in to your game, it doesn't make facing off against Max, Strongbad, Heavy Weapons Guy and Tycho any less fucking awesome. This game is probably the best game this month.

Annual Release Date Anticipation Overdrive

Well, it's that time of year again. My fever may not be Left 4 Dead-related this year, but regardless, the big-name hitters are coming out to play before Christmas strikes, and my anticipation for them is well through the roof. I'm excited for these new games, folks. The ones that I've waited months for. Years for in some cases. The land of gaming will no longer be reduced to second-hand Xbox titles and obscure indie titles from 2006. Big guns are coming out - for better or for worse.

"But wait!" I hear you cry. "Call of Duty: Black Ops and Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood are already out!"

And to that, I would do this:

Andy's Top 10 Favourite Videogames Ever

Hello internet.

Following on from my main blog's Top 10 Favourite Movies Ever, which was inspired by Nostalgia Critic's Top 20 Favourite Movies Ever, this is the penultimate list. The list which will knock you on your arse and tear you a new one. The list that will make you nerd rage, call "HAX!!", and make you a very mad man of primal flesh and blood that is an internet dweller. This is my Top 10 Favourite Videogames... of all time. Let the supreme nerdage commence!

10. Peter Jackson’s King Kong (2005)
Developer: Ubisoft

Okay. So to begin the list we have an obscure movie tie-in. Good job so far, eh? Yes, much like the film King Kong which Jackson directed, many people are confused by my infatuation with this game. The character models are genuinely awful, even for 2005. The graphics aren’t spectacular, the gameplay is repetitive and, well… the game is short, clocking in at about six hours, max. So why does this game make my Top 10?

The Sweet Sounds of War

Well, I have succumbed to it. I have been playing Call of Duty.

What? ...no, not Black Ops. That shit is... well, shit. I've been playing World at War. And compared to when it was released, I'm enjoying it a hell of a lot more! Is it just me, or has it all come full circle again? In 2007, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare was fresh, new, and interesting. People were suffering from World War II fatigue. The future was lame and boring, too. It was time to take a look at actual modern warfare, and CoD4 delivered in spades.

After CoD4's release, many series tried to replicate the success of a modern setting. Russian terrorsists became the new go-to badguys. Nuclear World War III was the new looming threat. Varied, interesting locations were replaced with dusty Fictionikistan places. Battlefield, Medal of Honor, ARMA - we all packed in our antique 1940s-era weapons, and "war" games - previously historical in nature - became "realistic military simulators".

So, the release of World at War was a confounding one.

Review: "Super Meat Boy (XBLA)"

A Million Little Chunks

review for Super Meat Boy, 1 player action/platformer, available now

Wrapping up Super Meat Boy in one word is easy – masochistic.

If you wanted me to add some more words to explain this, it’d go like the following paragraphs.

Acid.Trip

Playing Super Meat Boy, my new personal favourite platforming game ever, you unlock various characters from around the independent gaming scene. A lot of these characters are recognizable faces - Tim from Braid, Gish from Gish, what have you. But by god, there are a lot I haven't seen before. And thanks for that, because now I have exposure to some indie games I would never have dreamed of before.